You will be missed.

I wasn’t really planning on publishing any more posts for some time now. Our results came out the other day, and while my marks weren’t exactly bad, they weren’t exactly good either, so we–that is, my teachers, my mother, and I–felt it would be prudent if I kept away from social media for some time. Well, not exactly that. Our teachers put it much more strongly, but hey, we’re entitled to use of poetic licence.

So, what brought me to disregard this and write a post, in spite of what I’ve been told?

I’ll cut to the chase: a former schoolmate of ours died.

She wasn’t that close to us or anything–she was two years our senior and left the school in 2013–but she was a bit special to me because she shares my name.

And what really shocked us was that she committed suicide.

Our principal gave us a lecture in assembly on how they (the teachers) all felt that such a thing was unpardonable, and how we should all develop the strength of moral character in order to face setbacks in life and continue in spite of all the obstacles.

Now then, don’t misunderstand. I totally agree with everything Mam said. And I’ll add more–it requires courage to take your own life, but it’s courage of the wrong kind. And that’s just a fancy way of saying “cowardice”.

I don’t know why, though, but it seemed to me that she wasn’t wholly to blame, either. See, someone told me her father was abroad, and she and her mom had had a really big fight, and that was why she did it. Well, I can empathise with that. At our age, having only a single parent look after you forges a HUGE bond between you and that parent. Having the person you love and respect the most be angry at you–well, it’s hell. And it’s easy to get discouraged. If a person of high self-esteem is moody and down in the dumps for days on end because of that, you can but guess at how anyone of low self-esteem’s gonna feel. It almost makes life no longer worth living.

It’s more than likely that it wasn’t the only reason. This age is a difficult one–no joke–and with all the peer pressure, academic issues and other troubles which most of us face nowadays, this fight must have been the proverbial last straw.

But don’t get me wrong. I understand where she was coming from, of course, but I don’t support her decision. I’m not angry or anything, though–I’m just sad. Sad that she didn’t know how many people loved and cared. That her life was so tragically cut short. That she buckled under the pressure. That in the end, she didn’t have anyone whom she could call a real friend.

And, in the end, isn’t that the real triumph of life–just how many people regard us as a true friend?

To those who think they can’t cope with all the pressure–please, if not for yourself, just live for those who love you. There’s always at least one person who lives for you, who you mean the world to. And never lose hope. There are always people who care.

Rest in peace, girl. I hope you’re up there somewhere looking down on us. And that you found happiness there which you couldn’t find here on earth. You’ll be truly missed.

continued in …but will you be remembered?

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